This writer noted in some chapters of the eBook Proper Parenting of Children in Formative Years, by C. N. C. Ejiofor, that the discipline of children rests squarely on the father of the child although the mother has limited role to play notwithstanding that she is naturally attached and bonded to the child.
The raging question has been centered on the use of the cane for the discipline of children. Most people rush to some texts of Scripture which plainly specify the use of the rod to correct children because foolishness is bound in the child's heart. Although we have acknowledged that God has the final say in matters of conduct of people, those Scriptural passages are not a blanket approval for child abuse or brutality.
The controlling Scriptural text should be that in Proverbs chapter twenty-two, verse six which stresses, "starting up a child in the way he should go". "Starting up" here means training and training entails a process. Disciplining the child forms part of the start up or training and there is the right way to achieve this.
There is a seeming complication in this process arising from the fact that the parent confuses his adult status with that of the child, thereby often bringing his emotions to bear negatively in the training process with respect to discipline. Conversely, the parent jeopardizes the child's prospects whereby they assume that the child is too tender and innocent to be bothered with disciplinary measures, thereby preferring to pamper the child with all forms of permissiveness believing that the child will learn better as they grow. Both are extreme positions that must be avoided.
Which way, then? Right from infancy, including day one, the mother must watch out for the child's temperaments expressed in forms of excessive crying and temper tantrums. A gentle warning with a frown would be the most fundamental approach. Never mind if the child understands what you say. God displays his power in creation by such wonders like how a child grows!
Although the child cannot understand your vocals, they often respond to expressions they observe while you talk.
If the disapproved behavior is repeated after equally repeated verbal warnings with particular facial expressions, the palm of the parent would be a proper means of a very gentle spank, followed by the warning of disapproval. The child may respond to this with a shrink, a cringe, a shudder or an outright cry, depending on the child's temperament and age.
The cane would be introduced only at the age when the child has developed proper speech and hearing with understanding. At that time, the verbal warnings would be followed by a showing of the cane of commensurate size for the child's tender body and age.
Refer to the article in this blog site entitled, How to Teach the Child, for details.
The cane should only be used on the child in gradual pain producing levels depending on the age of the child only for the correction of the tendency for the natural bent and especially for wilful disobedience.
Such disciplinary measures must be followed by a loving explanation of the reason for the treatment and acceptance of the child's apology whether voluntary or demanded by the parent. A loving instruction for the child to avoid a repeat of the disapproved behavior will help the child in his character formation.
Parents must exercise restraint so as not to discipline the child in anger or to get even with the child. Often parents fall prey to this in an effort to stop the child from displaying bad behaviors they themselves grew up with.
Needless to say, the goal of discipline is to achieve formation of good and acceptable character in the child. This is the real essence of child training.
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