Fundamentals of Society Building: The Joint Role of Parents.

We have attempted to place the responsibility of children's upbringing squarely on respective parents. We have seen that parenting is a very serious business and that it requires certain maturity levels to qualify as a parent judging from the point of view of divinity as man is known to be a divine creature. We now have to go into concepts and ideas about the art of parenting. Parenting is largely a form of life-long mentoring of offspring with the view of imparting acceptable character traits, attitudes and behaviors into children. The chief person with the gravest responsibility in this case is the man of the house. As the head of the family, he is looked up to by the creator and the procreation for provision, direction and protection in all ramifications. Having been mature enough, he understands how to influence the child from birth for positive character traits and how to exert the necessary disciplinary pressures on the child for correction of tendency for natural bent. By natural bent we mean the impulse to do it the wrong way until we are restrained either positively or negatively as the case may be, depending on the maturity level of the correcting influence. This issue of natural bent and the effective ways of addressing it as well as its difference from wilful disobedience and also how to handle wilful disobedience is contained in another post in this same blog site cncejiofor.blogspot.com. 

We have established that society derives its character issues from families and parents are largely responsible for the proper upbringing of their children. We posited that this has been the creator's plan from the outset. We have placed the greater weight of responsibility on the man of the house notwithstanding the very close natural attachment the children have with their mothers. Again we have traced it to God the creator and his command to the man. If we carefully noted the importance of love as a binding cord for the true union of man and wife that produce the child and the role it plays in influencing the child as he develops in his formative years, then, we would easily see that the parents either roles cannot be in isolation of one another. Just as a child brought up in the absence of a father's influence is easily spotted for the missing link so also does a child brought up with near absence of the mother's influence show the missing link. Hence, the joint and complementary roles of both parents need be addressed here. The union of the parents transcends mere sexual relation and this is observed from the child's response to the influence of either of the parents in isolation. A child tilts to the mother when the father applies disciplinary measures against him. Likewise he tilts to the father when it is the mother applying the disciplinary measure. Parents who encourage this innocent behavior of the child by way of shielding him from the disciplinary measure of either spouse is inviting trouble to the family. Expression of love for the child should not imply permissiveness by either parent. 

Indeed, a union marked by conjugal love between the parents first and foremost protects the child from developing harmful behaviors or character traits. Hence, each parent will stand with the other to enforce any disciplinary measure deemed necessary by the other without any form of equivocation or overprotection. We have made it clear that discipline begins from day one of birth and disciplinary measures are to be sustained until the desired behavior is displayed effortlessly by the child or on the other hand the negative behavior is dropped by the child without resistance. Likewise, instructions must be sustained and must be positive and straightforward. A child should not be left to himself when he engages in unacceptable behavior or dangerous actions on the flimsy excuse that he is tender. 

No one should think that enforcing discipline on a child as often as necessary amounts to restricting the child's freedom. On the other hand, allowing the child to develop without such necessary discipline only results in licentiousness on the part of the child and may lead to deviance or delinquency later in the child's life.

We have explored the procedure for enforcing discipline while discussing the role of the mother but we must emphasize that the mother does not do that in isolation of the husband, the father of the child. It is interesting to note that some mothers always threaten the child with a promise to report the child's wrong behavior or action to the father in cases when the man was not around at the time of the incident. This way, in some cases, the influence of the man in matters of discipline is reinforced. It is important to note that when a child is jointly disciplined by the parents in an effective way he enjoys a balance in development as a result. He equally grows up to appreciate the parents later in his life. On the contrary an undisciplined child grows up to take it out on the parents when he realizes the failure of his parents to play their proper roles in his earlier formative years of life. No responsible parent would want to have that kind of experience as it is usually devastating.