Motivating Ideas on What to Do When Conditioning Appears to Fail in Effective Parenting of Children in Their Formative Years.

Life is so complex that we might experience some odds in the midst of proven principles that have worked most of the times. The fact that parents have influence on their children does not obtain only in their demonstrated behaviors or character at the time of children’s birth. Scientists have discovered the importance of genes in the development of the offspring. Parents cannot underestimate the effect of their own genetic make-up on their offspring. This is why patience and even perseverance are very necessary in our relationship with our children. When there appears to be a failure on the part of the child to respond positively to proper parenting principles, then we are called upon to rely on God through prayers to help us at such trying times. Patience means that we are not in a hurry to condemn the child or give up on him and perseverance means that we would not relent in our application of these proper parenting principles canvassed in this book no matter what. A child who has been brought up in a proper way may most likely return to it after exploring the other side of life. We have this confidence in the instruction to "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they  are old they will not  turn from it’ to take the child to God in prayer at such trying times. God answers prayers, we ought to know and he has a way of finding such a ‘prodigal’ child we presume to be lost. We must stress the point that parents’ unconditional love for the child is a serious factor in winning the attention of the delinquent child during the period of his delinquency. When he gets back on the proper track of life he might confess the power of such unconditional love in his life experience to his parents. Apart from genetic factors, the other things that may affect the child’s positive response to proper parenting include when parents provoke their children against definite scriptural instruction to the effect that they “do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians chapter six, verse four). There are many ways parents can make their children angry. Namely, when parents punish their children without proper explanation of the reason for the punishment. Secondly, when parents delay punishment or punish the child with anger. The time to punish the child is at the time of misbehavior and parents must guard against anger causing them to lose control of themselves during punishment. The mother should not wait until the father returns home before the child would be punished. Otherwise the child would be made to dread the father’s home coming. Again the child may fail to connect his original act with his punishment. Thus he sees his father as an unjust punisher. Thirdly, when parents vent their frustration on the child. Frustration can cause a parent to punish the child severely and in contrast to the nature of the misbehavior. Fourthly, another reason for a child becoming angry is “unfair” punishment. If a younger child is not punished for the same thing as the older child, this seems unfair; nevertheless, punishment should fit the misdeed and the age of the child involved. The older child may not accept this fully, but the parent’s patient explanation will encourage understanding. Sometimes there is a feeling of unfairness because neighboring children or friends are not punished for the same things. It is important then to help the child realize that each family has different rules, and the rule of your family are the ones to which he must conform. This will build family cohesiveness, and the child will recognize that he is a treasured member of a special family. Fifthly, when a child is told that God does not love him if he disobeys, it is most insidious, and horrifying type of punishment. The child forms a wrong picture of God and relates negatively to him. Forcing a child to conform to our ideas by such a threat will either cause bitterness toward God, resulting in lack of faith, or it will result in insecurity so evident in people who cannot do anything spontaneously or freely. Such people are always troubled that God might punish them for real or imagined errors. This is inverted anger, focused on oneself, and causes discouragement which extends beyond childhood to adulthood. Likewise, quoting ominous scriptural passages for a child when he misbehaves creates resentment toward the word of God. The use of threats does not teach a lesson. Punishment or the desire to change according to scripture must be applied in love. The scripture must not be used by the parent as a threat to force a child into obedience. Sixthly, another way to provoke children is to tease them incessantly. The child is stimulated beyond his ability or capacity and the resultant anger is punished, but his own attempt to tease his parents meets with rebuff. The result is a nervous discouraged child. Lastly, sometimes parents expect a child to do things in the same fashion and skill as an adult or another child ignoring the age level or ability of the child. When he can’t, irritable criticism creates severe resentment. Parents must be patient and understanding in their instruction and help. Not to do so is to seriously violate the biblical exhortation to us. The alternative given by scripture to provoking the children is to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians chapter six, verse four). We can learn important concepts for helping us develop a rich personality from scripture. From this vital source, we can learn much to bring up our children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Yes, no matter how teaching may appear to fail, a proper application of these tested concepts for proper parenting would ensure otherwise. Therefore, eventual success is mostly guaranteed.