Motivating Ideas on The Things That Identify a Parent in Effective Parenting of Children in Their Formative Years.

It is understandable that character molding has become an age-long hard work which has nearly become impossible in most countries of the third world and beyond. This is so because there has been no schools for the tutoring of prospective parents. People generally find themselves grown up and join the bandwagon of marriage and procreation without giving any thought to the ways and means of training their children for development of acceptable characters, attitudes and behaviors in a given society. Many are aware of the influence of the environment on the general behavior of inhabitants of a given place. Hence, some have abandoned their parental roles for societal pressures hoping that anyone can find the right direction for themselves. This error is the fundamental reason for the crises of character traits in most contemporary societies. We will begin to find solution to this in our attempt to provide proven concepts and ideas for proper parenting from the point of view of experts in family life education. As I grew of age and observed the dangers of delinquency and deviance in any one's life I committed to the study of the requirements for good family living and achievement of good character traits in particular offspring. To me then, the reference made about trees and fruit bearing was all about parents and their children. That is when I came across the expression "like father like son" I would paraphrase it as "a good tree bears good fruit or a bad tree bears bad fruit". I resolved never to be a bad tree or parent as the case may be. In the course of my studies I discovered that it is not all grownups that are parents although all grownups can be biological fathers and mothers. Why, because no one gives what they do not have. Unless someone is mature enough both marriage and parenting would be only dabbling into impossible adventure. The irony is that such people somehow expect to get result when they made no meaningful input efforts. In reality no one can reap what they did not sow unless a thief. A careful study of society shows a group of people who sowed little or nothing yet hope to reap bountifully. Impossible! What then? We must get it right: Parenting is a serious business and proper parenting must be godly parenting because man is not an accidental being but a well-defined creature. When the creator is brought into perspective then we can find the road map he provided for the achievement of his divine purpose. All about what is good and what is bad is for him to determine and the process defined by him too. In terms of marriage and child upbringing, he has detailed instructions which we can follow for our own good. In one instance he regretted creating man yet in another he made a boastful statement about a man by name Abraham. Said he, "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just...." (Genesis chapter eighteen, verse nineteen). This statement is crucial for all parents because it serves as the blueprint from the creator with respect to the objectives of parenting and expectations from parents as well as their responsibilities. Who is a parent? Let's begin with who a parent is not. A parent is not just a grownup who can engage an opposite sex to procreate. A parent is not just about a person who is married. A parent is not just someone who produced a child. A parent is not just any one who has the wherewithal to provide material needs of a woman and her children born to him. It is neither a woman who has the means to cater to a man’s needs and her children's needs. Again, we must establish who a parent is not. A parent is not just any grown up male or female. A parent is not just any man or woman who gets into the relationship that produces a baby. A parent is not just any one who finds himself engaged in the contract of marriage in any of the forms approved by the society. A parent is not just anyone who has the means to maintain a family. A parent is not just any adult who can live together with another of the opposite sex to produce children. Now, parenting has to do with godliness. The God factor is paramount because only God the creator has the ownership right over man. He has the right to decide what is right and wrong and what can guarantee the happiness of man according to his purposes. That is why he expressed grief over his having created man when man indulged in "wickedness all the days of his life". And that is why he initiated volumes of instructions and judgments to ensure peace and happiness on earth. What we know as character delinquency and deviance today is actually ungodliness or disobedience to God. So, how do we ensure that upcoming offspring come out of this? It is important to note that parents are seen by God as adults who have become mature enough to marry. Maturity is all embracing. It involves all the known dimensions of human existence namely: physical, psychological, emotional, social and spiritual dimensions. Of all these, apparently, only the physical dimension takes little or no effort on the part of the individual to take effect. This explains why we have a lot of children who have occurred in unions of immature people who are brandished by society as parents! Maturity of parents fall outside the scope of this write-up but is worth the mention here to establish the reason for much of the difficulties associated with the subject of proper parenting. Obviously, no one gives what the one cannot afford or possess. Hence this subject is treated for the attention of those who are seen by God as mature enough to marry, adults who are ready to take responsibility for the proper upbringing of their God-given children as they live together in a relationship characterized by love, under God. These parents will definitely find in this write-up resources they will rejoice for if they are prepared to do their part without doubt or argument. This brings us to the issue of doubt and argument. I recall my experience with most parents in the course of discussing this subject in family-life groups especially in churches reputed for their spiritual fervor. As one yet to marry then I was challenged to wait until I married before I could guarantee the effectiveness or otherwise of the ideas I was trying to sell as they seemed to turn blind eyes to the realities of day-to-day family life with its obvious challenges. However, I made it clear to anyone who had the patience to try that the real challenge was actually their ability to overcome their doubts and drop their arguments no matter how appealing, as the ideas were guaranteed by those who had researched them for long enough time in many and varied circumstances and practiced them with good results. I also promised them that I guaranteed that I would employ the ideas in the training of my own children whenever I got married and had my own children. Interestingly, I got married in 1989 and my four children, two males and two females, are a guaranteeing testimony to the efficacy of these simple but time-tested, God-given ideas. Now, dear reader, you have a guarantee if you throw away your doubts and arguments, learn these ideas and put them to use. They are working! In fact they have been working for those who have the patience to try them out. Although the issue of maturity of individuals who want to become parents falls outside the scope of this book we want to discuss another aspect that has formed a missing link in the life of parents who happen to marry and bear children. We noted earlier that there are no institutions for training would be parents before marriage, but there are necessary steps to take to get grown-ups prepared for parenting as well as marriage. In most cases we see the attempt by many to, at least, make preparations as they know best for marriage but hardly do they give a thought to what are the necessary preparations for parenting they have to make. In other words we have the culture that takes parenting for granted just because we have seemingly prepared for marriage. Yet in preparing for marriage preparing equally for parenthood is a sine qua non. How, then, should adults prepare for parenthood as they prepare for marriage? There are several sources of information available today unlike formerly for adults to obtain necessary ideas for the art of parenting and marriage. From books, to professionals versed in family life education to religious leaders, adults should first of all recognize their need for information on parenting. Here, we have tried to compress some of such information to suit the scope of this concise book. Would be marriage partners must realize that their successful partnership comes first before successful parenthood. What the husband and wife do with themselves in fulfilling their marriage vows will be a good resource for children born to them. The simple instructions of Scripture in Ephesians chapter five, verses fifteen to thirty-three; Colossians chapter three, verses fifteen to twenty-five; First Timothy chapter three, verses one to six; First Peter chapter three, verses one through twelve; and Titus chapter two, verses one through fourteen, provide solemn instructions to husband and wife. The key words are for the husband, love, understanding, and consideration; for the wife, respect, submission and gentleness and quietness of the spirit. Then the children will grow up to observe these irresistible environmental conditioners and have no natural option than to be of good character and behavior. Secondly, would be partners must understand why God gave children parents. God provided parents for children so that they will cater for their needs in all ramifications. He gave children parents so that they will love and discipline them. Parents are meant to instruct their children. Parents ought to encourage their children, bless them, provide for them, discipline them, instruct them and set before them a Christ-like example. Note that a Christ-like example is the greatest educational influence in the lives of children. Parents are meant to protect their children from the encroachments of society. Thirdly, would be parents must be prepared to make their Christian life affect their own family life. They must learn to communicate love, respect, understanding and forgiveness which form the key to understanding companionship. They must learn the difficult art of giving when we’d rather receive, forgive when we’d rather nurse a grudge, and love when we’d rather be loved, that moves us toward Christian maturity. That to create a family situation where people feel mutually responsible for shepherding each other is to make Christianity real at home. Fourthly, would be parents must learn that parenting is a very difficult art. Parents must neither be permissive nor repressive with their children. They must learn the art of communication so that they would turn out to be good parents. However, good parents draw a sharp line between free speech and illegal conduct. How and when to set limits depends partly on the child’s age. Limits require reasons but once clearly stated they should be enforced without exception. Discipline must be genuine and seen to be so by children. Fifthly, would be parents must make Jesus Christ real in their homes for the benefit of their children. They themselves must accept the fact that Christianity is not basically a habit pattern: attending certain scheduled church services, doing what one felt to be one’s part in “service” to the church, using ecclesiastical jargons, mixing socially with a circle of Christian friends, not partaking of certain worldly vices, et al. Parents should engage in individual and corporate study of Scriptures, honest discussions, prayer, and reading Christian books to discover the excitement of getting to know Jesus Christ personally and relating properly with him to experience his love and the kind of life he wants to live through them. Parents should begin early to influence their children to observe the difference Jesus Christ makes in the lives of his followers and feel free to equally relate to him like mom and dad have done. Parents are to learn the very important Christian virtue of honesty and feel free with each other and their children, even accepting when they wrong each other and apologizing appropriately. Regular time with one another and with Jesus Christ in devotional Bible study and prayer will set the stage to teach the child and the parents that Jesus Christ can literally order their lives and daily activities if allowed in their homes. Says J. Edgar Hoover: “There is but one way to eliminate juvenile delinquency – that is by providing each child … with competent parents”. Sixthly, would be parents must not commit the usual crime against children, that is, over-permissiveness. Parents must give basic sex education to their children to forestall sexual promiscuity. The urge for instant satisfaction of every desire must be curtailed in children by disciplined parents. Would be parents then must know that both permissiveness and repressiveness are foolish. Parents must learn not to overindulge their children. Neither should they over-protect them nor repress them. Having discussed the issue of parenting as a serious business and having seen the God factor in parenting and having attempted to explain who is not and who is a parent, we will go ahead from here to define the roles of parents and how best they can play them for sure results bearing the God factor in mind.